BaSkEtBaLL iS mY LiFe

We are all humans

We are all humans, subjected to emotions, good behavior, negative behavior so on. Things happened recently has made me realised much more about human nature. Greed is something i thought about.

Greed, the desire for more (the simplest way of explaining it). Everyone is greedy in their own ways, greedy for more food, more money, better grades, better treatment so on. We expect something, we get it, we expect more. Its normal, though there are those who are contented with what they have. Greed, could spur one on to do far greater things one would have thought be it negative or positive. I guess my greed for emotions and happiness could be one example. I have gained a bit and i expected more. This tips the balance of things.

Selfishness is another thing that I have been thinking through. Everyone will be selfish in someways in order to preserve themselves or preserve the thing they want to preserve (somehow ultimately there will be benefits to oneself) (well this thinking can be rather extreme). In any case, there is always a want factor on your side in getting the things done in a certain way be it to a large or small extent. You may seek to want to maintain a friendship and not wanting to hurt someone but in doing so have some degree of selfishness. It does not mean selfishness is wrong, it may be for the better good. Yet again, many fail to realise in their act of goodwill or in their want to preserve something, there will definitely be losses somewhere and the extent have to be considered. I guess I have been selfish in wanting my ways even though you have declined; even though you have other intentions. In my act of selfishness, or your act of selfishness, each party will suffer some loss and most of the time emotionally. Again, its about balance, no absolute right and no absolute wrong.

Many have mentioned this before: "Sometimes, we do not choose white or choose black for they are the extremes.Sometimes, being in the grey is the best for that is where Earth is." This statement is very true in many context for the world is made of things that talks about balance rather than the extremes. However, there are cases where extremes have to be used with limits ( like a managed float system) when the balance of things is tipped. In the case of relationships, this is very much the case. Things become complicated due to the compounded effect of greed and selfishness. Extremes have to be used to give clear answers to ensure that the blur becomes clear, the knots become loosened or cut.

Either way, the take away from this is to know one's place and action so as to do things at the right time and place. Balance of action doesn't mean one avoids using the extremes.

[[[ C.K.]]]
10:01 PM

I m trying

I am trying.. but things do not always seem to be how i want it to be...

hoping to see you in a month's time:)

[[[ C.K.]]]
8:54 PM

Drained

1 weekend more then my papers on 7 may.. which is also polling day. And this is the first time i m going to vote for the future of my nation.. exciting and yet it feels sucky as my first paper falls on the same day and i have to spend lesser time on my books.

speaking of books, piles of books and notes are stacking up in my room. maybe cos i haven been spending enough time learning bout my modules and spending time on things like trainings and juz managing tutorials. I guess i do gained from much of the character development portion in helping to train the team but again what is my priority?

I have been asking many times why am i in this. I felt very drained in recent months. I need to set my priorities right i guess. I love lifesaving sport and i love coaching but i hate the admin processes and sometimes dealing people problem.The amount of time and effort spent was just not worth it when my main priority is studies and i m screwing that up becos of this.Liddat might as well pay me as a full time coach. I can do the same job outside with lesser problems n money to earn. At least i know i should be passing on this job to someone else instead. I guess i should help from the background, no strings attached and no other responsibilities to the committee-free as i can be to do whatever i need.

Studying has not been really smooth. I realised that i still have tons to things to make sure i understand fully and to get myself to do things faster like to draw and think faster at the same time. It seems engineering in this sem is to be fast in problem solving and fast in drawing things in great detail.. or at least it seemed to me.

Its just very demoralising when a paper meant for 2.5 hrs and i m spending 4 to 5 hrs to juz manage to finish one by looking at answers. That only goes to show i have not prepared enough. On the bright side, at least i know wad i m missing out. The last few days of revision has been too draining. Guess i m not used to studying for super long hrs ( my case of super long hrs is >7 non stop with prob some small breaks of max 10-15mins). My brain juz felt fried now.. i could not solve another problem. I have been waking at 7plus, have breakfast and staring work rd 830 then all the way till lunch at 12 plus then all the way till 5 plus where i m almost zonked then dinner and it repeats till 1am.

I just cant take it for today. That's y i m juz complaining here.. so much for perseverance.. I guess i m juz too tired mentally to carry on.. and things such as EID and competition registration is still bothering me. It is seriously frustrating. Oh wells, maybe an early night will do me some good.

[[[ C.K.]]]
10:14 PM

Exams nearing

Quite a bit has happened in the period from the last post till now.. Life have been too busy. I was busy with school work generally but I had my fair share of fun.

After CNY, I went for NTU bike rally, Surf and Sweat. 2 big events by NTU sports club.

Surf And Sweat

Bike Rally Finishers

There was also a friendly with RP and ACJC last weekend as well.

Other than these, projects have been taking its toll on me. EID, a real pain in the ass with little AUs to account for the amount of time and hard work placed in it.

So much has happened. Its time to settle down to study. Exams are less than a month away, to be exact its 3 weeks to go. I am screwed. I need to work extra hard for now even though I can feel the tiredness setting in.

I am losing drive, somehow, I need to pick up.

[[[ C.K.]]]
11:20 PM

Songs

[[[ C.K.]]]
9:28 AM

Effort =/= Result

Somehow, for a while this thing has been boggling my mind. Is it insufficient effort or is it that I am just not good enough?

This has been an issue that sets my mind to go to and fro in deciding which is the reason that I have not been doing well in a lot of things.

I simply do not believe that I am not good enough, yet, after putting in so much effort, I still simply could not achieve the desired. Now it comes down to effort. is it insufficient?

I looked back, many say I have been juggling too many things to fully concentrate. Again, it is quite true but I have since juggle lesser things and put lesser strain on my emotional and physical aspects so as to have better concentration in the things i do.

I gave my 100% in everything i do. However is it sufficient? Maybe it is still not enough.

Probably all these pondering and emotional strain is quite unnecessary but one has to look back to see errors to correct them right? This time round I simply cannot find the answer. Maybe I am just not good enough.

Or maybe its just both...

[[[ C.K.]]]
9:26 AM

CNY day 2 of 2011

It is the end of day 2 of CNY..

Well today was mainly about my relatives visiting my place in the day time and dinner at my aunt's. A random thought from one of my uncles sent us digging out the old photo albums from the hidden and less accessed corners of our house.

Finding them were a misery but opening up and looking through them brought us much laughter and fun. Especially when we see the pictures of us being young and that includes my uncle and my dad when they r kids.. (so u can see how ancient some of these albums are.. they can really tell a life story)

Well, I am here to share some of the pictures i took of the pictures (ok that sound stupid but i lazy to use scanner). Here goes:

This is my 1st month photo i think..

Me and my elephant.. The elephant is still around surprisingly. And it is holding a clock in my sister's room now.. haha..

me and my sis on the old bed at the old house.. haha..

These pictures really bring back memories. It has been really years since I saw them. Could really see the difference between then and now(i look damn chubby and dai dai then). Looking at all these photos made the feeling of being unwilling to grow up worse. Those were the days where all I care about was my toys, my meals and probably some of my school work. How fun is that?

Really great fun looking at all these again. The good old days like what many would say.

[[[ C.K.]]]
11:54 PM