Much has happened over the last 3 years. I would say its life changing and what had happened through those 3 years have changed my life totally to a point that when I see myself in the mirror or i sit down to think, I just could not find the same me I used to see back in JC or secondary school days.

Early 2008, I entered army, went to BMT and went through some shit and fun but came out tougher and stronger in many ways. I have also somehow fulfilled an ambition since young-to be a soldier. I have signed on and taking the most feasible vocation(Air Engineer) that will some what make sense in what I seek and like doing.

I went on to OCS and had some amazing time. It was tough but I made lots of friends along the way and they were the ones who helped me through the tough process all the way till end of AFST.

During the time I was in OCS, my mum's condition turned for the worst. There were no more avail meds that can help her and the cancer cells were juz spreading. There was once where I received a call from my dad in air wing ops rm which I cannot forget. My dad asked whether me I could go to the hospital. He was in tears. I knew its smth no gd and I manage to rush down to Mt E in time. My mum was having lots of water in her lungs and she could nt breathe. She was stabilised in ICU when i went but it was apparently very bad before i reached.

After that incident, I guess it just went downhill all the way. A week in hospital, thats the first time I see my mum's fighting spirit totally washed out. She told us lots of things and was trying to get us ready to face the inevitable. I cannot never forget the words she told me and of which she told me: "Be strong"

During the week, my mum decided she would go to a hospice. We agreed and we got her to this hospice beside Mt Alvernia Hospital (my birth place). Its a weird feeling that I have never step there after i was born and here i am again after 19 yrs. But this was the place I last spent my time with my mother.

3 weeks, I visited her whenever i booked out and my family will stay over in the hospice with my mum. Finally came my birthday, a friday... I booked out from camp and got home to get stuff b4 getting ther to celebrate with my mom. However, we didnt in the end as she was feeling rather unwell.

Her panting was unusually heavy and it never stopped. By 12am, we knew it was about time. My aunts and grandma came. My whole family was by her side, claiming her down and reassuring her. 2am, there was no choice but to give my mum the morphine. It was then the last time her eyes opened....

I kept on holding her hand talking to her, so did the rest of my family.. She held on somehow and slowly, she claimed her heavy panting down. 7am, finally she took her last breathe and bid farewell to her life of suffering..

At least she was relieved of her pain in this mortal world and going to a better place...

The funeral came and went and my family struggled to continue on with a normal life after my mom's death as she had wanted us to. It was tough but we somehow made it through.

2009 came, I was alrdy halfway into my ALOC course. I have made friends who are also my colleagues.. And at least, I know much of these friendship will stay on for a while.

I finally stepped on the SAFTI parade square again and this time its not for drill competition but for the parade that i was always looking forward to- my comms parade. Before the parade, we were worried that it could be cancelled as it was raining very heavily juz b4. We were relieved when the sch commd told us tt rain or shine, the parade will go on.

The last 10 mins at the FUP was the longest wait and finally the music went on.. Finally it started...

The parade went on well, with a minor error by Jolene who marked our unique parade. There was also a nice sky and a double rainbow as well. It was then that I wished that my mom could be there to help me put on the rank.

Time went by and finally I entered uni. I went to NTU. I went to my hall(hall3) orientation camp and lot of fun and thats where I met a special someone. Sch started and we had great times tgt. However, she left NTU and went on to pursue her dreams overseas. It was sad but I was also happy that she went on to fulfill her dream. The sem ended and I went through my first ever written exam after almost 2 yrs of SAF life.

I went on to visit her and had a great holiday over in Ireland and it was great experience traveling alone. Ireland is really beautiful and its really a place worth visiting although much things were closed down during the xmas season.

Results came out and it was bad. It was only me and my busy schedules as well as excessive fun that I had to blame.

2010 came when I was overseas and it was the first and the most unforgettable experience I had.

After which i focused a lot more on my studies after the IH which I had fun with representing my hall for water polo and winning my first ever gold medal.

At least, the results that came out after my sem 2 exams were at least fine and helped to pull my GPA up a bit.

Life for my family over the past yr and till now has slowly but surely adjusted and returned to normal.

Last sunday was my 21st and I ran my 1st ever marathon to mark it before having a great party in the evening.

I guess, I sorta ran out of things to update but i guess, sitting down here today and thinking. I recounted and relive those moments again. I found that I grew up quite a bit over the span of almost 3 yrs. I believe I have grown stronger and more determined than before. I also believe that the experience I had in this period will see me thru much in my future.

As i consolidate my thoughts here, i do feel emotional bout many things- the past, my love life, studies and so on. But i guess the same words stays- BE STRONG...

Somehow, I believe these words as well as my hardwork and determination will see me through and I will be able to resolve whatever I have to, be able to face whatever I should face. I guess ultimately, these emotions are part and parcel of what makes me stronger and builds me up for the unknown and yet exciting future- good or bad...

[[[ C.K.]]]
8:47 PM